Sweating the Small and Big Stuff

Last night's presidential debate was like watching a divorce proceeding. It had all the makings of divorce court: mud slinging, name calling and threatening someone you used to be friends with. Gross. When it was over, I felt like I needed a shower and a Xanax.

The world is topsy turvy and I still wake up with my own self-consumption of minutia. I know perfectly well that the world is dealing with:

The devastation of Hurricane Matthew in Haiti.
The refugees of Syria.
The hate crimes in our own country.
The gun violence still out of control in schools.
Worldwide poverty.
Viruses being spread by mosquitos.
Cancer.
Destruction of the ozone layer.
Whether or not sunscreen is saving us or killing us?
Whether or not bottled water is saving us or killing us?
Whether or not cell phones are saving us or killing us?

And yet I still woke up on this Monday morning and thought to myself:

Why haven't I sold a TV show yet?

Seriously? Am I insane?

I spent thirty years in an industry that I couldn't wait to get out of.
I moved to Hawaii.
I am safe.
I am healthy.
I have a wonderful family, but THAT is the FIRST thought I had this morning?

It's Monday and I have no meetings.
No scheduled phone calls.
Only one script to read.
Why am I not celebrating?
Why am I not playing tennis?
Why am I not out riding my bike?
Why am I not having lunch with a friend?
Why am I sitting at my computer?
Why am I filing paperwork?
Why am I actually worried about this?

I found myself actually blaming the presidential debate on my intellectual malaise. I thought if I hadn't wasted 90 minutes of my life, watching the mud wrestling match they called a debate, I would have read something or written something that inspired me to come up with something interesting to further my career today.

I would have spent less time worrying that my bank is charging me $15/month to have a business checking account. I would have spent less time on whether or not my insurance bill should go in my "production company" file or in a separate insurance file. Should old bills go in a "receipt" file or a "bill" file? Should I change my bright yellow hanging folders to a new color theme now that I am in business for myself? WTF? I am losing my mind.

Monday. Sigh.

I should be more grateful.
I get to dress casually.
The weather is beautiful.
My little white dog is sleeping peacefully at the foot of my desk.

I should not have a care in the world... and yet, I seem to be worried about everything today.

If only I could sell a TV show.