Free At Last

Finally, everything has started moving in the right direction.

I decided not to have an agent. A big and scary decision.

My eldest brother (the entertainment attorney) and I took control of the producing deal and we are officially closed.

I said goodbye to my corner office on the top floor of a 35-story high rise with a view that I will probably never be able to replicate. My office was directly over Universal Studios with Warner Brothers and Disney Studios off in the distance. 

But not anymore. I am now a former executive. Now a producer. With nothing to produce, I am basically no one, but at least I am free of the corporate shackles.

I DO have a brand new non-corporate computer, iPad and iPhone. It was an arduous task changing everything from PC to Mac. For whatever reason, having a PC was a metaphor to me for corporate life. Getting a Mac was the beginning of shedding my corporate skin and becoming creative. I had to get the company to release my cell phone number back to me. I have had the same number for 20 years, so it was a big deal to get it back in my name. I now need to learn new operating systems and try to figure out how I am going to run my business from home with spotty internet.  According to our cable company, our cell tower is under construction.  Great timing for that!

But here I am. (I find myself writing this as if to prove my existence. I think, therefore I am. I write, therefore I am. "Here I am," therefore I am?)

Maybe my schedule will truly be my own.

Maybe I can give my achy feet a break from high heels and my neck a break from sitting at a computer all day.

Maybe I will no longer be commuting in bumper-to-bumper traffic five-days-a-week.

Maybe I will have a day where I wear workout clothes all day and no makeup.

Maybe I will start playing tennis on weekDAY mornings.

Maybe I will spend an entire day reading or writing. Not just scripts or script notes, but just anything I want to do.

Maybe.

So why I am still afraid that somehow this isn't real?