Feeling Gloomy

It’s a gloomy day today.  Drizzling on and off. I am listening to Jazz music, trying to find some solace, but it’s not coming.  I got a lot of bad news last week.  

One of my friends is suffering from terrible depression and anxiety.  Although she has battled with it before, the last six months she had made an incredible breakthrough. She started feeling really good again, dating, working, traveling and feeling hopeful for the first time in a long time.  But a few weeks ago, it started to creep back.  First slowly and manageably.  Now relentlessly and less manageably.  Work is becoming overwhelming for her.  Her dating life has suddenly come to a halt.  Her energy is so low that getting out of bed is difficult.  Her appetite has diminished.  I am trying to help her, but I feel like I am too far away to have an impact. I feel her sadness.

Tuesday I got the terrible news that a friend of mine has breast cancer.  She is in her late 40s and has two little kids. I know a lot of breast cancer survivors, but this still hit me hard.  Maybe because she’s younger than me.  Maybe because she’s slightly older than my mom was when she was diagnosed.  Maybe because she had to tell her two little kids. Two little kids that are around the same age I was when my mom told me she had cancer.  Maybe because she is also Jewish, Type A, a big executive and we are so much alike. It resonates profoundly with me on every level. I ache for her and her children.  

Wednesday my Dad went to the hospital.  He is 90-years old and has survived his own cancer, surgery and radiation this year.   He’s in good spirits and they are only keeping him for more observation.  But this too has made me sad.

So this week, I just feel gloomy and sad.  It’s not even my sadness.  It’s a collective sadness for people that I love.  Things I can’t control.  Things that are inevitable and impermanent, but things that bring me profound sadness nonetheless.  

So I think I will take my helplessness and channel it to a prayer for my friends and to my dad who are all struggling today.

I feel your sadness and I want so desperately to make it disappear.

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